Ookay. Story time.
So I arrived here on Thursday, the Heuns picked me up from the airport and took me grocery shopping, then dropped me off at home. When I walked inside I thought the apartment smelled stuffy, but you know, if you were locked up without any ventilation for over a month, you’d probably smell stuffy, too. So I figured it just needed some ventilation. I opened the windows and left the door open, and went to work putting all my groceries away. All was well until I opened the closet door.
See, I have two double-wide closets, one of which I’m using for clothes, and the other I’m using for storing food (like a pantry) and other stuff. When I opened the door, the most horrible stench emerged. I was taken aback. I looked inside the closet, and there was the remains of what had previously been a bag of potatoes. When we were here in July, my mom had said we had to be sure we put the onions and potatoes in the fridge while I was gone so they wouldn’t go bad. I thought that we had. Apparently not. The potatoes didn’t just grow mould. They didn’t sprout. They dissolved. They rotted so completely and thoroughly that the potato excrement dripped through the bottom of the plastic bag and onto all of the cans I had on the shelf beneath.
I use the term “excrement” not facetiously, for the only way to describe the smell is to say that it smelled like crap. Not like crap in the toilet crap. Not crap in a baby’s diaper crap. No, instead, a monstrous crap that someone took in your closet and let fester there for the next month. In 100F+ heat. It was the most atrocious thing I have ever smelled in my life. I came close to throwing up.
As I examined the scene more closely, I realized it only got worse. The potato crap had indeed dripped all over the cans and bottle on the shelf beneath. I reached my hand in to pull out the bottle of vinegar which was completely covered, and as I did so I noticed…maggots. Oh yes, kids. Maggots. Lots of them. Maggots all over my vinegar. Maggots all over my cans. I started pulling the cans out, and found the breeding ground. Maggots all in my carpet. The potato crap had dripped so extensively that it had saturated the carpet, started growing mould in the carpet, and had become every white squirmy maggot’s vision of heaven.
And so began the ethnic cleansing. First, remove all objects which had come in contact with the potato poop. Outside. Now. Try not to drip as you take them out. Then came the mass maggot extermination. First, removal via paper towels. Then, bleach. At that point in time, the little bottle of bleach my mom and I had bought was my most prized posession. Forget the laptop, forget the iPod. We have potato poop on our hands. Literally. Bleach is needed. I didn’t care if the carpet changed colour. Bleach. After the bleach there was a mass Febreezing project. Spray most of the bottle of Febreeze directly on the carpet, then on everything else in the closet, then some more on the carpet, then the air, then the carpet… And repeat for several days. It got to the point where the smell of Febreeze was more obnoxious than the potato poop. The closet door has stayed open in the six days since the incident as a result of both odours. It’s mostly faded now, but occasionally I’ll still get a whiff of the poop. Cursed potato poop.
And on to more exciting news.
On Saturday afternoon Josh Kerr and his mom picked me up for church. Yay! It’s so awesome knowing people in this area. It makes it much easier to become part of the group. I already knew all or mostly all of the young people in Minneapolis, plus Jake and Mike D. were there for the weekend as well. We had a good service, I got to sing with the Kerr mom, which was really cool, and had Mike singing bass in my other ear on some songs. It was a very nice ensemble. After church all of us hung out and talked, and ate everything in sight. We harrassed each other with fresh parsley, and Derek even resorted to carrying the tray of vanilla wafers around with him since he was eating all of them anyway. Saturday night the Kerrs, me, Jeff and Dan C all went over to the Lee’s house. We mastered the cooking of cornbread, ate more food, went swimming in their freezing pool, attacked each other with rubber torpedos, thawed out in their awesome hot tub, and then the Kerrs took me home.
Sunday morning Josh and Joey showed up at my door to pick me up for the church picnic. 10 minutes early. I wasn’t fully dressed, hadn’t brushed my teeth or hair, hadn’t put my contacts in, and didn’t have my stuff together. I ran around like crazy for approximately 3 minutes, then ran out the door. The boys were already playing tennis in my parking lot. So, we went to a park and met up with the rest of the church folk for a day of softball, food, softball, and more softball. I assumed my position – studying. I have one more course to finish, hopefully in just over a week, and I needed to get some stuff done. Plus I’m not a huge fan of softball. It was fun to watch, though. The Minneapolis church (and friends) definitely has some athleticism in its midst. Mr. Monson…yeah. And I think I’ve found a new hero in Mrs. Monson. She’s a machine. She ran 8 miles around the park while waiting for everyone else to arrive and set up for the day. And then she insisted that she wasn’t tired. That’s pretty impressive.
So, since then I’ve done some more unpacking and moving in, and starting Tuesday I’ve had U of M orientation. The major orientation day was yesterday, then today I had a TA meeting for my course, and tomorrow I have a writing workshop. On Friday the Kerrs and I (and maybe the Lees?) are going to the State Fair (YAY!), on Monday I have Teaching Enrichment workshops, on Tuesday I have new TA orientation, and on Tuesday night I fly out to see Charlie! YAYY!!!
And now, kids, I gotta paint.
Watch out for the maggots.